Sunday, December 13, 2009


When your oxygen-supply starts talking to you in giving you messages and hints and you don't guess that there's something wrong with it, but instead you try to suppose who's on the other side of the line then ...
When you are brought back from intensive care to a two-bed-room, the other bed is empty, but you can listen to the furniture and the room talking about the patients that have been here then ...

When you are drifting back in times, remembering the war scenes, all those bodies, all that pain, all that cruelty, you drift further back to crusade times where you spent times at the foot of a mountain in a hut being cared for by a loving Samaritan, but can't hold unto and end up in a colosseum in Rome and then refuse to drift back further, because there's also a time when it's enough.

When you sense all the sadness of all past news, and are afraid of the new ones, and each glass before you isn't half full but half empty, pardon, it's empty, oops there's no glass at all, and you fall into an abyss.

Yes, when you look into the abyss, the abyss takes a look at you and ... has some offers for you, just in the case that you want to fall deeper, however there is no choice for you and nothing depends on your will.

When you can catch no sleep, rather pretend to, to calm the nurses. The clock on the wall, yes it shows seconds. Times stand still. The next morning will come in another year.

Then, the threatening exit. No tunnel of light, more kind of a slide that becomes smaller and smaller and you have to leave everything behind, your loved ones, yourself, your things. Like a Raspel (German word), there's no steering wheel, no brakes just the hole of a needle that you are approaching. And you are forced to fit through this hole ,or what else would happen?

Is there anything or anybody to stop this, to bring you back? To life?



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